If you’re human, chances are you’ve had a little spat or two in your life time… or if you’re like me, maybe a simple “few” would be an understatement of the day. Either way, I’ll ask a small favor of you in return for you’re success. You see, all I’m doing is thinking what’s best for you. It’s simple, just read a long and answer the questions I have below and you too can learn how to pick your battles:
Recall for me a situation that led everyone in the room to retreat to the opposite corners of the earth.
Now give a bad example of how to respond to the given situation.
Tip: Thinking about what you are going to say is a great idea because you have already had a chance at applying what you would say and how they would respond. This way you can weigh out your options before the problem becomes to serious. Putting people on the spot, or shooting out random accusatory statements will alienate the people who you care about, and your words (even if they are true) are more likely to go unheard simply based on the approach that your opponent (person you are arguing with) found offensive.
Now, give me a good example of how to properly handle the bad situation from above.
Tip: Listening to the opponent on their viewpoint even if you disagree with them not only makes it hard for them to get upset but shows a quality of fairness in your character. Thus, making it easier for them to want to listen to you in return. This alone is an accomplishment that has allowed you to continue your goal in a method that may be more satisfactory to you.
Now, the number one thing to remember before you handle any kind of negative and/or awkward situation is that you must always do it “with care.” This takes you up one level to where you’re first new question awaits: “What approach will I be choosing?” Because, you see… every choice of words that you choose will take you down a different path of reaction.
If a person is upset when they say something to you; It is important to remember that YOU initially and ultimately are the person who sets the setting. Your options include, but are not limited to 1)retaliation with words that could never be recovered [regret] 2)comforting them and asking them what the problem is [consider the issue] 3) asking them what you can do to make it better [approach the problem] 4) weigh out the options and 5) respond.
Other important factors would include the value of the relationship (be it friends, sweethearts, family, bosses, or acquaintances). In this case, questions to ask would be: How serious has this discussion made itself? Will this be a topic that will continue to heat up? Will we ever find resolution? Can we meet in the middle? Are you willing to accept that you could lose this relationship, or your job? And Is this fight worth it?
Constantly remind yourself what exactly it is you are fighting about. When the fight escalates you might agree it can become quite silly very quickly.
If you’re a lady, try to be ladylike.
If you’re a gent, try to be a gentleman.
Always give the kind of respect that you want.
Take no less than the kind of respect that you give.
Accept what you learn if you think it’s right, and apply it.