How much should one dwell on the past? I mean, reminiscing every once in a while isn’t necessarily a bad idea but I’ve learned a thing or two from others who could do nothing but beat themselves over the head with a bat… and I’ll be honest with you, I’ve been there a time or two myself, and it’s not a good habit to get yourself into.
Now, if you are dwelling on the past only to have complaints on that which cannot be changed, keep in mind that even that gets old and eventually you need to get over it. If you dwell on the past because you don’t know how to cope with your feelings to move on, then think about the steps it requires to get over something. Recognize that yes, your memories were precious at the time, or painful even and they served their purpose of making you into who you are today. And now that you’ve learned from the past you can let it go.
If it is a painful memory that you are having a hard time getting past, forgiving yourself is one of the first things you should do. In order to live successfully you must love yourself so that you know “what is best” for you and are able to do what it is that is necessary for your personal growth.
After you have that down, then you can work on building relationships with other people. It is important that you recognize that people don’t enjoy spending time with someone who never gets over themselves, only speaks about themselves, and never asks a thing or two about you.
If you want people to listen to you, you too must listen to them providing them the same equal opportunity of respect and friendship available from your heart.
Now, some people may not realize that there is such a thing as living unsuccessfully. But there is, and by this I do not mean the status of your income. By this, I mean happiness, which requires your immediate attention if its lacking.
If you are having feelings of depression or emotional imbalances chances are that you already know it. Others may be in denial. But if you recognize the cycle all it takes is for you to fight against it. This may seem a little un-peaceful but I’m speaking from experience. If you let the depression suck you up into a hole, then you’re practically living unsuccessfully. You’re unhappy and theirs “no point to life.” Or at least that’s how I felt. This is why I encourage you to REDEFINE yourself. REMAKE yourself into who you want to be.
It may take a little work. But in the long run, you’ll thank yourself for it. Besides, you’re worth it!
If you’re human, chances are you’ve had a little spat or two in your life time… or if you’re like me, maybe a simple “few” would be an understatement of the day. Either way, I’ll ask a small favor of you in return for you’re success. You see, all I’m doing is thinking what’s best for you. It’s simple, just read a long and answer the questions I have below and you too can learn how to pick your battles:
Recall for me a situation that led everyone in the room to retreat to the opposite corners of the earth.
Now give a bad example of how to respond to the given situation.
Tip: Thinking about what you are going to say is a great idea because you have already had a chance at applying what you would say and how they would respond. This way you can weigh out your options before the problem becomes to serious. Putting people on the spot, or shooting out random accusatory statements will alienate the people who you care about, and your words (even if they are true) are more likely to go unheard simply based on the approach that your opponent (person you are arguing with) found offensive.
Now, give me a good example of how to properly handle the bad situation from above.
Tip: Listening to the opponent on their viewpoint even if you disagree with them not only makes it hard for them to get upset but shows a quality of fairness in your character. Thus, making it easier for them to want to listen to you in return. This alone is an accomplishment that has allowed you to continue your goal in a method that may be more satisfactory to you.
Now, the number one thing to remember before you handle any kind of negative and/or awkward situation is that you must always do it “with care.” This takes you up one level to where you’re first new question awaits: “What approach will I be choosing?” Because, you see… every choice of words that you choose will take you down a different path of reaction.
If a person is upset when they say something to you; It is important to remember that YOU initially and ultimately are the person who sets the setting. Your options include, but are not limited to 1)retaliation with words that could never be recovered [regret] 2)comforting them and asking them what the problem is [consider the issue] 3) asking them what you can do to make it better [approach the problem] 4) weigh out the options and 5) respond.
Other important factors would include the value of the relationship (be it friends, sweethearts, family, bosses, or acquaintances). In this case, questions to ask would be: How serious has this discussion made itself? Will this be a topic that will continue to heat up? Will we ever find resolution? Can we meet in the middle? Are you willing to accept that you could lose this relationship, or your job? And Is this fight worth it?
Constantly remind yourself what exactly it is you are fighting about. When the fight escalates you might agree it can become quite silly very quickly.
If you’re a lady, try to be ladylike.
If you’re a gent, try to be a gentleman.
Always give the kind of respect that you want.
Take no less than the kind of respect that you give.
Accept what you learn if you think it’s right, and apply it.
Word’s are so powerful. This is why it has always been an important fact that you should always think before you speak. Some of us need more practice than others.
Always remember that when you say something you can never truly take it back. So, if you ever have some mishap in the communication methods you have with your friends, family, and loved ones perhaps you should consider that sometimes it is possible to say a lot by not saying anything at all. Sometimes all it takes is a listening ear, or even a hug.
Friendship is based off of many things but is defined as a term used to denote co-operative and supportive behavior between two or more humans. This cooperative and supportive behavior must however be a two way street. If it isn’t then it may not be a friendship for long.
People misunderstand each other all the time because either a) someone wasn’t listening for details and/or details were not communicated or b) there was some kind of distraction that captured their attention.
It is important to target your issue, address it and go about the language from another perspective or choice of words. Here’s why, if you were misunderstood in the first place chances are you didn’t communicate it to the way they would understand. Thus, rephrase, brainstorm, and address it when you have combed through the finer details.
Some people believe that those who choose many words simply do not understand themselves seeking knowledge through understanding others. I agree and disagree with such statement, however if saying what I mean and hope that it will all be understood and work out for the best somehow discredits me I will continue to do so because I am a freedom seeker, and a communicator.
Rumors are another form of words that you never want to get yourself started in. If you never talk about other people in a negative way, or pass mean things about other people around chances are it will be harder for them to say negative things about you. But if you sit their pointing fingers all the time eventually the fingers will point right back at you. The only way to destroy an enemy is to make him your friend.
Never make assumptions about other people. If you do then be sure to know the facts too. It is easy to judge people based on what you see rather than by the things that are concrete. There are a small portion of those close people that know, while all the others assume. This causes plenty of inaccurate views of others, and misunderstandings. Taking bits and pieces of information about anyone isn’t viable enough to say you know them. Besides, you wouldn’t want them to say anything about you.
Randy Pausch. Now here is a man I stride to be like. I mean, he has such a good attitude towards life, even though he has been told he is going to die soon. He has a wife and three kids and leaves us with wisdom that will be sure to enrich our lives.
He embraces a character which anyone could hope to resemble. He said “Brick walls are there for a reason: they let us prove how badly we want things.”
“Simple advice that you’ll find hard to follow…. just tell the truth….” and so much more. He says: “No one is pure evil. And if you wait long enough they will show you their good side…. you can’t make them do it in a hurry…just be patient.”
Here is a very optimistic video, and if you’ve never heard of or seen the video about Pausch this is definitely a MUST.
“The talk isn’t just about how to achieve your childish dreams. Its much broader than that. It’s about how to live your life.”
I urge you to see this. It is from the perspective of a man like us who understands us at our level and leaves us with the “last lecture” that he has knowing it will be his last… and leaving us with the highest wisdom and teaches us how to apply it. He speaks with sincerity and care.
According to The Independent Newspaper: “They keep taking the Oprah clip down off YouTube because of copyright infringement,” Zaslow says. “But it gets a million views every time before it disappears.”
I don’t know about you but often times I see the world as though it has turned its back on me. I sit somewhere with a view unaware, and unable to recognize that its not the world who has turned its back, but me.
I take note that my pessimistic perspective must be changed… if I didn’t I would again lose myself in a pond full of misery and harmful thoughts. Again, I make an effort to change.
You may be wondering why I turned my back in the first place, wonder no more… I tell you why: this world is full of pain, and lies. My biggest pet-peeve being lies.
I cannot fully grasp the concept or purpose of a lie. It seems like everyone who does lie wounds up in more pain and sorrow then they even started with. You see, the thing with lying is if you’re going to lie you must be consistent. However, even through your consistencies the truth eventually finds its way to escape your lips, or find itself somehow projected for someone else to find.
Lies eventually injure everyone. Even the smallest lie. If it didn’t why would you not want the truth to ever be discovered? When your lies surface, your friends, family, acquaintances, or whoever will be disappointed to know that you couldn’t tell them the truth just because you felt ashamed, or thought them to be untrustworthy, or maybe felt they couldn’t handle the truth. Either way, nobody wants to think that you think of them this way.
Yes, sometimes the truth hurts. But in reality, it’s the only way to be successfully happy. If you carry burdens of hidden truths behind your back hiding them from the world then you have a lot more to lose. One secret to face the world could ruin your entire life as you know it.
The way people see you can change in an instant. If you get caught in a lie, your reputation can fall…. and here’s where I’m confused. Why would you risk so much just so you won’t be embarrassed for a second? I mean, after someone lies to me once it becomes difficult, or even impossible to ever believe them about anything at all. Especially if it was a “little white lie.” The reason is because if they can lie about something so small, I know they’ll lie about all the big stuff too. If you tell the truth (since it’s likely to be discovered sometime anyway) you will more than likely be trusted and though you hit a rough patch, your relationships will continue to grow because you faced your fear and spoke nothing but the truth, TOGETHER overcoming the obstacles that have been placed between you.
I’m disappointed because it seems there is no one who believes in telling the “whole truth, nothing but the truth,” anymore. For some reason, it has become easier to tell a lie, then to tell the truth.
How can you make a difference in the world if all you do is cheat yourself at a respectable life by telling nothing but lies all the time? Truth is you can’t. No one else may know, but you do, and if you can live with yourself then you have other issues that need to be addressed.
My problem is, I don’t know how to trust anymore. Life has proven itself untrustworthy. Just when I think I can rely on something, I can’t. When I think I’ve found a good friend, they take advantage. When I feel I’ve finally found the truth, the real truth comes out… and it wasn’t what I thought. Broken promises. Huge heartaches. Inconsistencies. Selfish tendencies. Cheats. Thieves. Religious people who condemn you to hell for no reason more than how you look (as if it were their place to judge you in the first place). Whatever. We’re all here for the same reason. They are all lies.
Rise above all of this. You can. It might be hard at first, but afterwards you can feel so proud and accomplished because you became pure in heart and accepted your flaws, asking forgiveness and because you told the truth, it was accepted.
I know it takes work but you’re not alone. But this boat will sink soon if we don’t throw the extra baggage in the ocean… then, forgive and forget.
If you take my advice, you may still have your back against the world.. but at least you’ll have a few friends with you.
Ever remember the days when you searched yourself attempting to find who you are with hopes that your development as a person would become greater than you thought ever possible? I do. However, I remember the days that I lost sight of them too.
Ever feel that when you were searching you were actually more aware of yourself?
Every decision that you encounter, every bitter word that you mumble slowly stalks you to your death. “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never harm me.” This is a false statement, however, it can be a matter of perspective as well.
“Don’t let the world bring you down. Not everyone here is that ******^ and cold.” It’s important to remember that. It seems there are no longer people strong enough to stand up for their beliefs anymore, or to even smile at someone when they recognize they don’t seem happy, later excusing themselves as “too busy.”
It may be depressing but I feel not enough people think about it anymore because it’s one of those subjects that people say you shouldn’t dwell on. However, I have a different perspective on this. If you don’t think about all your options sometimes, if you don’t make an effort to understand others, if you don’t acknowlege that things are going wrong it could still get worse. If you don’t make time for people, then they won’t make time for you, and when you need someone to be there, they probably won’t be.
I suppose its like tending to an infected wound. If you ignore it, it is likely to grow more painful, leaving scars for everyone to see. But if you care for it then it will heal. If you had an infection before, chances are you learned from your mistakes the first time and cleaned and bandaged it.
This is life. Thats how it works.
You will get scratched up sometimes. Don’t let it discourage you though, like it did to me. You can’t accomplish anything as a broken soul. Continue to search yourself, and learn what it is that you want, who you want to be, what you want to do, what you don’t want to do. Stand strong to your beliefs. Face what you fear. Challenge your capabilities, and grow. Help others even if they don’t help you. Reach out and help the bum on the street who needs clothes.
Make a difference.
-Believe it or not, you can.
Love those who love you, and don’t be offended by those who don’t. People are different. This is a constant, get used to it, or die.
As I was pondering the moments of life which seem little and meaningless I realized that in reality everything is full of meaning, and color. You can find purpose in everything ever created if you think like a child. I mean, I know I keep talking about children and here is why:
When you are young you look forward to life as opposed to when you are older and wish you could go back to the times you were young.
When you are young you find happiness in the simplest things which somehow manage to be in conveneint locations… and when you grew older you wanted everything else that you can’t ever have.
When you are young, you have high goals, and expectations believing you can accomplish it all in one day when you grow up.
I feel like its a little cliche but I’ll say it for the purpose of consistence that when you are young it is the “grown ups” that look down on you for your silly little dreams and admirable accomplishments you have in store for you. Yet, because you are young and so energetic you don’t care. You keep that head up high and follow all of your hopes and dreams.
I’m thinking what ever happened to the days when I too felt so optimistic? I mean, I’m neither adolescent nor geriatric… I feel the weight of the world crashing down on my head sometimes with the stress of work, school, religion, and everything else the average person has to encounter.
I wrote this with higher spirit and expectations. I wrote this with the thoughts of a child in hopes that you too can think so lightly of any matter to overcome any obstacle that might jump in your path.
On a lighter note people like purpose and meaning, people grow with consistency. Thus, make it a point to be happy throughout your day and be light at heart.
